Frustration Never Ends

This is where I am today. Today, I am frustrated. Again. I feel like all the stuff that I've been doing is all for naught. I've been exercising at least four days a week since May. I've been trying to do better with my eating, it hasn't been perfect and I tend to indulge a little too much on the weekends, so maybe that is where I am screwing up and going wrong. I don't know what else to do. I've been thinking of talking to my doctor about weight loss surgery. That's how desperate I feel right now. But I am also feeling frustrated at feeling that way because I know that I can do this. I've done it before. I did it two years ago and I felt amazing. I want to get back to that. I don't know how. I really don't. I feel like I've spiraled right back to where I was before I started losing weight, when the mirror made my want to cry and I was running away from the camera. I am honestly right back to square one and I think that is what frustrates me the most. I hit a point where I wanted it so badly, that I just got shit done. I got up at 6am and did it. Six days a week for a month. I had a goal in mind and I reached that. That momentum kept me going forward. I've lost that and it's been lost for so long that I just feel like I'll never get it back because no matter how hard I try, I'll be at this point regardless. I took today off because I was so sore this morning. I'm trying not to let that get to me because I know that we all need to have rest days. I'm trying not to let my brain make me feel like absolute shit, to the point where I just get a workout done in order to silence that voice. UGH!!


Also, I'm frustrated because awhile ago, I wrote that I wasn't about weight loss anymore, I was trying my best for feel better and get stronger and I've just basically shot that to shit now because I'm focusing on weight loss again. THIS IS SO HARD.