Why?

So I was looking through my phone this morning (ok I was out of space and needed to clean out some pictures) and I noticed that I have a lot of "before" and "after" pictures. As I was deciding what one to delete, I realized that I was keeping a lot of these pictures. I've also got some pictures saved from last year. I started to wonder to myself "Why?" I am about 10lbs heavier than I was last year. I'm human and I love food. I also stopped starving and restricting.......yes I went through a period where I was severely restrictive of what I was eating. At that time, I was hungry constantly and entirely unhappy. I eventually realized that the way I was eating was not sustainable but it wasn't how I wanted to live all the time. There's nothing wrong with clean eating and I applaud anyone that's able to do it daily. However, I love carbs and I love junk food and I love treats. So I have those every now and then........sometimes a little more than I should but it is what it is.


Anyway, I digress. I wondered to myself why I was keeping these pictures. Was it my subconscious way of punishing myself for putting those 10lbs back on? Did I want to torture myself? Was I angry? It just seems to silly to keep them. I can easily lose that weight. It's a little harder to undo the mental torment that comes with weight gain. So I deleted the pictures. I'm still very much on a journey of better health. Would I like to lose those 10lbs again? Sure, not gonna lie. But I also understand that I can't truly be body positive and happy if I am hanging onto the past or the "just in case" moments. I even went through my closet and got rid of clothes that I have been hanging onto forever........"just in case".


Nothing about weight lose and maintaining it is easy. It never will be. But I also can't dwell on the past. I have to let go to be truly happy and stop torturing or tormenting myself for being human.