Frustration and Resignation

I need to post this today. It's been on my mind, although I tend to push it towards the back and try not to think about it or dwell on it since I'm endeavouring to be more body positive. As you know from reading my blog, I am finally at a point where I am happy with my accomplishments. I am ok with my body, curves and lumps and bumps. But there is one thing that has always bothered me, for as long as I can remember, even before I had children and it's that stupid saggy baby belly that every mom gets and most hang onto.

Today, it's been really bothering me. I'm trying not to let it, but it is what it is. My stomach has never been flat. It's always been rounded. Whatever. It's never really been a huge issue with me, I mean, I never liked it but I accepted it. Fast forward to now, three kids later (and that did a number on my muscles like you wouldn't believe). Actually, I'm going to back up a little to after I had Laura. The sag was unreal. I mean, it was so depressing. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without cringing. Then, I had Kailyn and at that point, I was almost at my heaviest. I have never put on a lot of weight while pregnant, it was something that always happened after. I ate like crap, never exercised so it's really through my own stupidity. I can't tell you how many times I have cried while looking in the mirror after that. Of all the things that have bothered me about my physical appearance, THIS was the biggest and worst. I can deal with all the rest but this is the one thing that I want to change and can't really.

Yes, as I have lost weight, there has been improvement. But it's still there. I don't know what to do to anymore, short of surgery, which I can't afford anyway. So today, it's frustrating me like you would not believe and I'm just trying to resign myself to the fact that it is what it is. I can't today and it's a pretty crappy feeling.