Day 1 - Weigh Day

Gag and cry and so many other emotions. I knew I put on weight since last summer. I mean, a person cannot continue to eat the way I was eating and not have it happen. Plus none of my jeans fit and the ones that do are too tight or just about too tight. UGH! This makes me FURIOUS!!! I was doing so good last summer and then I gave up. And now I packed on the lbs that I lost and then a few more. I was going to bundle up the kids and go for a walk but it is way too cold for them outside right now. If I had a cover for the stroller than I would do it. Anyway, our 10th anniversary is this year and I really want to get some boudoir pictures done for his gift. There is NO WAY IN HELL I will be stepping in front of the camera at my current weight. *gulp* 270lbs *gulp* There, I put it out there on the www. A girl never reveals her weight, well I just did.

No going back now. I constantly go up and down and back and forth and sideways, hating what I see in the mirror yet loving food to much to put it down. The cycle has to be broken at some point and I don't want to be in my 40's struggling to lose 100lbs. Overall, that is the big picture. Whether I can do that much remains to be seen. Right now I'm setting my goals small. The recommended weight loss per week is 1-2lbs. So if I can do that, I'll lose 8lbs a month. Theorectically, I can lose 40lbs from now til June. But I have to be diligent. No more late night snacking. I have to give up my beloved tea or at least switch back to decaf. I gave up drinking water altogether so I've got to get back doing that again. By by bread, by by second helpings and by by piling up my plate. My knees are going to hurt like a bastard but that's the price I have to pay to be healthy. I mean, I'm not unhealthy as such. But I'm not healthy either. I've noticed the small things start to creep back in, getting a bit winded going up and down the stairs. I might add that to my routine, run the stairs a few times. It's going to be a shock to my system but it's got to be done. I've shot myself in the foot too many times and at some point, my foot is going to be amputated.

I've also downloaded the My Fitness Pal app for my phone so I can keep track of my cals. According to that, I am allowed 1500 cals a day. I need to start keeping track of that. I didn't want to but it's come to the point where I am almost 300lbs so I've got to start doing all the things that I don't want to. I'm going to die of a heart attack if I don't start to do something. Or I'll end up with high blood pressure, if I don't already have it. I've been suspecting that it's gone up again. Or I'll become a Type II diabetic. These are things that I CAN control. I CAN change, I DON'T have to be any of the above. I CAN CHANGE! I HAVE CONTROL! So now that I've put the numbers out there (which in reality, numbers don't really bother me, it's how I feel in my clothes), there's no going back. I'm holding myself accountable. And I need for YOU guys to hold me accountable as well. If I don't update, message me! If I make excuses for not doing my workout, call me on it! I can't do it on my own. I need support and motivation, even if it's only from a bunch of strangers on the internet. Because I'm a DONE being