Negative

I have been dealing with a lot of negative emotions the past little while and I don't know what the reason is for it or why it seems to be coming at me full force. There has been so many things that have happened over the last few weeks (I'm even getting gray hairs now because of the stress). I have been putting on a front for everyone and pretending to be happy when in reality, I am not. I just don't feel good about me anymore.

This has me scared a little. I'm afraid of letting myself go and getting back to the very unhappy, very overweight girl. This terrifies me. Forget about the clothes and such, it's all of the horrible thoughts that I had that scare me the most. I don't know what to do. On the one hand, I know I'm being silly. But in the other hand, and in my head, all the negativity is there, waiting to rear it's ugly head.

I have it in my head that I want to lose the 10lbs  that I originally lost in December. I also have it in my head that I want to be a definite size 16. I can't stop dwelling on these thoughts. It seems that my mind and my body are at war. My body seems to be ok with this size but my head is not.

Anyway, I would really like to come to some agreement within myself because this way of feeling and thinking is just torture for me.