Ashamed

I fell off the wagon. Hardcore. Ugh I'm so mad at myself. I am now back to square one. Hell I'm even more behind than square one. I haven't done a workout in a month. My bad eating habits have crept back in and I'm snacking on cookies and chocolate bars instead of fruit and veggies. It might not be so bad if I was still working out but I stopped that too. I've GOT to get back on but I can't seem to find the motivation or the drive. I really want to do this. I want to be successful but I don't know how to stick with it. This is my umpteen attempt at a lifestyle change and I sabotage myself every single time. I've even stopped drinking water. Once my milk dried up and I switched the baby to formula, I stopped filling my water bottle a million times a day. I can't even tell you how often I've drank it. I am pretty sure I can count it on one hand. Grrr!

I was doing so well too. I'm afraid to try on the LBD that I wore only a month and a half ago for fear that I can't zip it up again. It was a bit snug as I might have mentioned before but I could wear it. And I haven't kept up with my posting because this bloody computer is as old as the dinosaurs and it can't handle too much stuff going on at the same time. I've currently got three windows open and I've been fortunate that it hasn't froze up. Anyway, I'm determined to get back on at some point. I just have to get fed up enough with myself to do that. And I need to stick with it this time. No idea how that's going to happen. Again it all goes back to my progress and not seeing things happen as fast as I fell they should or at least as fast as they should in my mind.